fake-mermaid:

why can’t mosquitos suck out my fat instead

graembow:

tapdancers:


Heligan Botanical Garden

I threw up on that once! that was a fun school trip

That has to be my favourite comment ever

sansastark:

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well i think that deserves a two hour break

andrewpauldost:

i want dogs to be allowed at more places and i want children under 6 to not be

klartie:

"we’re having mcdonalds for dinner"

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"i made cookies"

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"i did your laundry for you" 

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"we’re going out you’ll be home alone for a few hours" 

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deucebowl:

a fancy asian restaurant called “Suit and Thai”

virginsacrificer:

teacher: alright class thats all for today goodb

me:

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When I gain new followers

amusingmurff:

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fffcuk:

today this girl asked me if we were hiring and we are but i told her we weren’t because right now im the prettiest girl that works here and if she got hired i wouldn’t be anymore

draculahs